The Question of the Week at the dojo is: Who are your role models? The term “role model” has always had a childish, boy scout-type connotation for me, but we’ll use it. Who do you model yourself after? Who do you look to for inspiration?

We go through different stages in life and look towards many different people for inspiration. Early on we look at our parents and older family members. I can remember watching my parents with awe while they did what now seem like the most mundane tasks (driving, shaving, etc.) and marveling at all the things grown-ups could do. When I got a little older I copped an attitude and didn’t listen with the same ears when they gave me advice, though I quickly learned to appreciate their wisdom as I entered the “real” world of school and work.

We also have role models that we choose ourselves. Sifu Brown, my teacher, is a great example of this. When I took my first Kung Fu and Tai Chi class with him, I was blown away by his powerful skills of communication, mindfulness and dynamic energy. Within a year I decided that I wanted to do what he did, no matter how long it took. (I’m still working on it.)

I like to think of a role model not just as someone who we try to be like, but also someone who challenges us to be the best version of ourselves. Sifu Brown was great at this, and this is something that I try to work on as a teacher. I also try to be that person for everyone in my life. It’s not easy as it requires letting go of my ego and allowing a person the space to be who they want to be (rather than who I want them to be).

This is the kind of person we should seek to surround ourselves with. Too often we choose to form relationships with people who make us feel comfortable. I don’t mean to say it’s bad to feel comfortable with someone, but that should come from our ability to feel comfortable in our own skin. If the people in our life are constantly making us feel content with the level we are at rather than pushing us to be who we can become, all we become is complacent.

A hallmark of a bad relationship is that the person we are with is afraid of us growing. Friends often feel the same way. They are worried that we will grow beyond them and abandon them in some way. This is only natural. Yet a more evolved person will revel in our growth and be inspired by it in turn.

This is something that a great partner in the dojo does. If you are a senior student, you want the lower ranking students to get better. You help them with their hook kick with the hope that it improves. Somewhere in the back of your head, you even know that they might get better than you someday. When that student hits you with a hook kick in sparring, if you have the wrong attitude you become upset for a moment. If you have the right attitude, you know that they have grown. Then you allow them to push you. In this way, we are constantly working on being role models and accepting others as role models in the dojo. This is a great thing to work on everywhere in life.