The theme for this year’s Kung Fu retreat was “asking for help”. The idea came to me as we were talking about using the jo (a 4 ft staff) for a few drills. It’s basically the same size as a walking stick. Using a walking stick is kind of like asking for help. Really, any time you use a weapon in Martial Arts is like asking for help. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need the weapon, but it certainly feels like it will make things easier. It seems like there is a real stigma in our society against asking for help. Many of us think we are showing weakness or incompetence. Because of this, it is a kind of strength to ask for help. We are able to show vulnerability and be ok with others lifting us up.

I’ve struggled with this myself. In my personal life I’ve been guilty of trying to do everything myself (unless it’s finding something in the fridge, just ask Grace). In the Dojo I usually teach all the classes not only because I love teaching but also because I’m the best (most experienced, if not humble) teacher. It only occurred to me a few years ago that there could be many students who teach even better than I do if they got enough practice. With the baby coming we’ve been working hard to prepare senior students to teach. It has been such a pleasure to see how good they are and how the experience of all the students in class is evolving and improving.

In one drill we did this weekend the only way to succeed was to ask for help. As part of the “blue room” or “danger room”, two large people attacked and held onto students as they walked in alone. While one or two people were able to slip away and run, almost everybody was taken to the ground with no real way out. Meanwhile, the rest of the senior students in the room looked on and wondered aloud, “Are they filming a movie? They must just be friends messing around.” For some students, it never occurred to them to ask for help. Most people got quite a few hints until they asked for help. When they finally asked for help, all the senior students excitedly yelled “WOOOAH!” in unison and swarmed the attackers, pulling them off the person participating in the drill. 

This may have been my favorite part of the weekend. I laughed every time. It also reminded me that most people like being asked for help. We feel useful and fulfilled when we are able to. The whole idea of the Dojo is based on this. Senior students teach junior students in every Tai Chi class and almost every Kung Fu class. If you try learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or Chin Na by yourself it may take several lifetimes. By helping each other we improve the skill level of everyone in the school.

In class it is of course expected that we ask for and give help. This is one of the reasons we have such a great community. It’s important to bring this out into the rest of our lives. By asking for and accepting help we’ll just be better and more efficient at most things. By giving help we pay it forward and fulfill that human need for connection. This month, try to move through life with the intention of asking for, giving and accepting help.