On our internal retreat this year we did some qigong, tai chi and plenty of journaling and meditation. It was a wonderful, peaceful weekend in the mountains.
The Knots We Carry
I had an idea for the general theme of this retreat some time ago. I’ve always been fascinated by the frog buttons on the kung fu jackets we wear to teach classes and test in our Adult Martial Arts class. They look so cool and intricate and are often a lesson in attachment as the new jackets are nearly impossible to button and unbutton. I thought we could learn how to tie a frog knot in a long line of thin rope, then add a new one every time we completed a round of physical practice, meditation and journaling. One problem with this plan was that it took me an entire morning to learn how to tie the knot, and I figured trying to teach other people how to do it in total silence would take most of the retreat. I also realized it was very difficult to tie more than one on a single line of string. So I practiced flow and came up with a slightly different tactic.
One of my favorite parts of retreat is walking around in nature and noticing the little beautiful gifts all around. Sometimes I find a particularly interesting pinecone or wildflower and stand there staring at it for a while. Other people might pass and wonder what’s wrong, but we are in silence so we all just have to be with it. For this retreat I encouraged students to pick up talismans from the ground and tie them to a rope I gave them with a slipknot. Every time we completed a round, we found a small object and added it to an increasingly heavy and cumbersome necklace/pocket jumble filled with rocks, pinecones and twigs. By the end of retreat many of us were carrying around what felt like entire bushes.
Understanding Attachment
On Sunday I gathered everyone and explained the idea behind the collection of knots and talismans. The small objects represent a thing or concept we are attached to. Maybe as we journaled about a particular challenge we connected the talisman with the spirit of that attachment. The knots themselves, tied tightly around each object, represent attachment itself. Some slippery objects required very tight knots and others even required multiple knots. I thought of this as the first thing I picked up and tied to my rope of attachment was a rock. It was too round and thus kept falling out of my knot, so I let it go and picked up something else.
Loosening the Mind
It seems to me that, on a simple level, attachment functions in our minds like a knot in a rope. We wind our mind around something and tighten it with repeated thought and attention. Sometimes, if we notice the attachment forming early enough (like in meditation), we can stop tightening and the subject just falls away. Usually, attachments form without us being aware as our forward momentum in life just keeps pulling the knots tighter and tighter.
In order to let attachments go, it seems that we must first loosen our mind. We create a little slack for the knot to loosen and let go of whatever we are stuck on. It may feel like our attachment simply falls away like a perfectly ripened fruit falling from a tree. Loosening the mind might be a momentary thing like an epiphany through introspection, creating a clear mind with meditation or practicing martial arts. It might require more time like a peaceful retreat weekend. It sometimes requires a lifetime of introspection or therapy. Even with time and effort, some stubborn attachments follow us to the grave.
Tightening the Mind
After we loosen the mind and release our attachment, we may be left with what feels like an empty, loose knot. When we let go of something (or someone) we have been holding onto for a long time, though there is a sense of lightness and relief, there can also be a feeling of emptiness and missing. Left alone, this hole might get filled with another attachment, perhaps even a vice that serves us even more poorly than the old attachment. Before that happens, we should tighten the mind. When we remove the physical object from a slipknot, just pulling on both ends causes the knot to close further and further until it disappears. Tightening our mind doesn’t have to be purely a function of discipline through meditation and other internal practices. It can be a function of self-love and self-care through exercise and rest. It can be love of the other as we pour ourselves into something bigger than the small self. Think of anything that connects us to what is truly important as tightening the mind.
With a clean, taut consciousness connected to what is important, we refocus our energy and continue life with a little less baggage. This is what I hope everyone got from retreat and continues to get from practicing martial arts.
