In this article we will explore why we avoid things and how practicing martial arts and meditation help us step up and do what needs to get done.
There’s a wonderful story in Zen Flesh, Zen Bones called Eating the Blame:
Circumstances arose one day which delayed preparation of the dinner of a Soto Zen master, Fugai, and his followers. In haste the cook went to the garden with his curved knife and cut off the tops of green vegetables, chopped them together, and made soup, unaware that in his haste he had included a part of a snake in the vegetables.
The followers of Fugai thought they never had tasted such good soup. But when the master himself found the snake’s head in his bowl, he summoned the cook. “What is this?” he demanded, holding up the head of the snake.
“Oh, thank you, master,” replied the cook, taking the morsel and eating it quickly.
Avoidance – good or bad?
What are you avoiding? When I asked the students in meditation class last week, most people avoided even raising their hands to answer. When we start to look into this, we get a little embarrassed. There’s an unspoken assumption that it’s bad to avoid things, and that we should be embarrassed about it. This isn’t always the case. In practicing Kung Fu and self defense, it’s a good thing to avoid an attacker’s punch. When practicing push hands in Tai Chi, it’s part of the drill to avoid getting pushed. Similarly in life, there are things to avoid. Cancer. Swearing in front of your kids. Tripping in public.
I often use the example in class of side-stepping a punch. We say best block: don’t be there. You can use the same idea when dealing with somebody who’s emotionally or verbally attacking you. Simply leave the room and give them time to cool down. (Just like countering your partner’s punch, you must be able to come back and deal with the conversation at some point though.)
Yet you know the real dirt this question gets at is what you avoid that you shouldn’t be. Rather than just do what needs to get done, the truth is, we spend a lot of time and energy avoiding awkward or painful situations. Most often it’s more time and energy than it would take to just deal with it. Take the cook in the story above. Did he hide in the kitchen when he was summoned? Did he blame the snake head in his master’s soup on the reduced time he was given to prepare the meal? No. With a “Thank you”, he ate the blame. This is how we should all deal with tough situations.
How to do what needs to get done
I find it’s helpful to ask why I’m avoiding something. Usually it comes down to laziness or fear. If I’m avoiding writing this month’s blog (which I’m completing on the day it’s being sent out), it’s usually because of laziness. Or it could be out of fear that it won’t be good enough. Either way, this comes from the ego, the small and limited part of us that avoids taking the action to do what needs to get done.
If you can point out to yourself that you’re avoiding something because of laziness, that’s pretty easy to deal with. Just start doing it. Take the first step even if that step seems insignificant. Today, I turned on the computer and started writing.
If you come to the realization that fear is stopping you, ask yourself if that’s really the way you want to live your life. Stopped by fear at every turn. Use it as an opportunity to act even though you are afraid to. Have that tough conversation you’ve been dreading. Build up the habit of transforming fear into resolve.
The next time you find yourself avoiding something, be like the cook. Be resolute and direct. Take the snake head on, even if you have to eat the blame.
