Growing Up

Over the last few months, I’ve been growing up. At least, “grown up” things have been happening in my life. Two were of my own volition: getting married and buying a house. The third was seeing my mom pass away. The first two have seemed almost like I’m playing pretend at times, like my life is still in a lower gear yet higher gear things are happening whether or not I’m ready.  My mom’s passing has been a very different, visceral experience. It seems unreal because I still pick up the phone to call her sometimes as I’m going through life, just to realize that she won’t be picking up. There is nothing quite like the death of a loved one to bring you face to face with your mortality and make you grow up, even if you’re not ready for it.

Youth and growing up

The idea of growing up is one that hits us differently at different stages. When we are young, we can’t wait to grow up so we can drive, get some freedom and get our parents off our back. When we are “grown up”, most of us obsess over holding onto our youth. We do everything to stay young looking and refusing to act old or turn into our parents. We long for the good old days when life was uncomplicated and we felt invincible. Basically, no matter how old we are or what our life situation is, we always want what we can’t have.

Growth in Martial Arts

In our martial arts practice, we recognize this paradox and don’t try to fight it. On the one hand, we are of course interested in growth. We try to improve our technique and understanding constantly. We mature in our practice in much the same way we do in the rest of life: slowly and with growth spurts of realization where things finally just click for us.

Yet we want to also stay young. We stretch and exercise to be healthy, yet more importantly we practice beginner’s mind. We endeavor to have a child-like interest in everything we do, to see every punch, throw and Tai Chi posture as if for the first time. 

Importance of “beginner’s mind”

Many people misunderstand this practice of having a beginner’s mind. We aren’t trying to lose focus easily as a child might (unless they practice martial arts). While we are not easily distracted, we do want to be easily enthralled by the experience before us. 

We practice being totally swept up by the excitement and awe of the moment. We want to be like an infant playing with blocks. The blocks become the infant’s entire world. This kind of attitude actually fosters growth; when we see everything as if for the first time, we are totally open to learn and improve.

Essentially in our martial arts practice we always want to be growing, yet holding onto our improvements. This is difficult to do without being attached to the way we do things or the idea that we “already know”, yet we practice.

We take this outside the dojo and remember the events and circumstances of our lives are there to help us grow and learn, and we stay unattached to the idea that we know everything. We enter the various episodes of life with excitement and the wisdom we’ve collected along the way.